You wake in the night, screaming. The New Year is upon you. The mornings are dark. Your stomach has undergone a Christmas expansion. You stare at the ceiling, eyes already wide open as your alarm goes off. You search for purpose in a world devoid of meaning. Is your search fruitless? Maybe not…

Friends, colleagues, cricketers. This is it. The beginning of January. Holding back the inexorable descent into nihilism can feel challenging. You need a pick me up. 

Well, as it turns out, you are in luck! Why not break the cycle of tedium with a trip to the King’s Road Winter nets?! 

Fast bowler? We’ve got useless batters you can tenderise! 

Wibbly wobbler? We’ve got useless batters you can confound! 

Wily spinner? We’ve got an indoor surface on which the ball doesn’t spin! 

Chucker of pies? We’ve got top order players who can get their eye in smacking you about before their form deserts them at season’s beginning! 

Stout opening bat? We’d be happy to practice sledging you as you gently pop another delivery back at the bowler! 

Agricultural slogger? Please, give our bowlers some practice of being dismantled before the season begins and it starts happening for real! 

Yes, yes. Winter nets are back bigger and better than ever before. Some more details below: 

Where? Dulwich Prep Sports Hall 

When? Thursday nights at 8pm 

Why? *Please direct existential enquiries to our Head of Philosophy Nikhil Venkatesh 

Are you welcome? Yes! 

Do you need to be good at cricket? No! 

Do you need your own kit? Also no! But please try to bring your own box as some things shouldn’t be shared. 

How much? £5

Will it be good for your fitness? Almost certainly not, owing to the fact there will be Apres Cricket at the nearby Paxton.

Will I find the love of my life? Perhaps, before they are cruelly snatched away from you. Oscar knows. 

Is it a good excuse to avoid having to see your friends, family and/or partner? Yes!