Firstly lets rejoice as we finally got an actual game of cricket and what a start for the Road for 2023 with a nail biting victory. But victory’s don’t come easy…

A green sticky May deck awaiting

Sent into bat first with our regular captain bailing on us the Road was instead led by some passive aggressive guy called Pinkney. The Road started strongly. It felt like a new version of the Road, scoring quickly and putting on runs with ease. Unfortunately Craigie hauled out to mid on as the opening partnership of 27 came to and end. But this new Road was making a statement and the captain himself leading from the front scoring 28 off 41 to get the Road going. What could possibly go wrong, cricket is easy….

The previous paragraph referenced a new version of the Road. Forgot that you read any of that nonsense, the real Road then rocked up and got to work on finding a way to lose as many wickets for as little runs as possible. Not one, not two but five Roaders perished and a classic collapse was unfolding before our eyes as the Road stumbled to 46-6. Browny was coughing in fear and heads were dropping

Enter Keath Keating and Bibby. A slow rearguard response was underway and with plenty of time to bat both batsmen deployed a stroke long forgotten (the front foot defensive block). 

Now in defence of the previously departed Roaders this wicket was sticky and slow and was tricky to navigate. The patience by Keats and Bibby was a marvel to watch. Keats practicing a reverse sweep between balls which he has never played also a marvel to watch. A hoisted 6 over mid on an even better marvel to watch. 

Bibby was just as effective with some lovely late cuts and back foot shots. Not bad for a guy who wants to end all of humanity. 

A 71 run partnership finally ended when Keats was bowled for 46 (58 balls). A scrapers delight and in the context of  the game a brillant knock by Keats and a brilliant match saving partnership from both.

Ali came and went and Bibby clearly upset that Keats had abandoned decided to have his innings terminated for 36 (52 balls). 

Enter the clown show of number 10 and number 11 with the Road teetering on 130/9. One guy who was suffering some form of a nervous induced emphysema and another guy who two hours before the game was watching YouTube videos on “how to hold a cricket bat properly”.  It showed.

Browny played some aggressive strokes for 9* off 8  whilst struggling to keep his trousers on and Moany shoveled his way to 13* whilst claiming potential career ending concussion due to hitting a ball at 3 mph into his own helmet (and Browny calling for a single). The clowns somehow taking the Road to a defendable 154. 

Honourable mention to Chinmay who played for the oppo and bowled the death overs and body lined Moany.

The Road and the Traitor. Coming to all good book stores in 2023.

Assorted food in Tupperware containers

Right so the Roads turn to bowl against the Buttlelords who are a fairly strong batting unit…. but the Road had a battery of quicks to counter this.

Opening the bowling was Browny and Sainthouse at the other end. A fired up Browny struck early dismissing the dangerous Buttlerlords keeper for naught. But that wasn’t enough with another strike soon after….. and then another! A hatrick not to be but figures of 3 wickets for 2 runs wasn’t a shabby start to the season, and figures of the day of 16-3 (-7)

Not to be outdone Bibby and Tyzack joined the party with one wicket each. Bibby bowling some brutal inswing (17-1) and Tyzack ramping up the speed. The Butterlords were now struggling at 42/5. But they showed some fight with a partnership growing between the opening bat and number 7. Moany and Keats were unable to break the partnership and jitters began to be felt.

Enter Sainthouse. Firstly dismissing the number 7 and vitally breaking the partnership. But the dangerous opener remained and Sainthouse took care of him with a beautiful delivery that was adjudged LBW slamming into off stump finishing with figures of 28-2.

Bizarrely Chinmay was next in the batting order to potentially ruin his own teams day but was bowled a sharp delivery from Ali and a tricky catch taken by Conor. 

A stodgy tail was wrapped up by Ali with another wicket (32-3) and Pinkney doing what Goldfinger does best and striking in his first over (1-3). Victory for the Road the Butterlords all out for 139 and the Road winning by 15 runs.

A park in the United Kingdom

Awards

Teas: Sainthouse Traybake

Embarrassing: Browny calling Moany through for a single after Moany was suffering from chronic concussion symptoms and blunt force trauma to the frontal lobe cortex. 

Man of the Match: R Bibby 1 for 17 and 36 runs

Many bothan spies died to bring you this match report.