It’s great to be back at the helm of the keyboard to detail day 211 of 2022. A day where The Road took on Cairns Fudge in an attempt to gain its first LPL points of the season.
And so, the Roaders took to Battersea park, fresh from a high altitude training camp in Edinburgh, where the squad scaled heights of 251m above sea level to be in prime physical condition.
Back at normal oxygen levels PEJ won the toss and elected to bat on some burnt grass thing which is apparently an August pitch in London now.
Opening up the innings with the skip was fellow opener James Pinkney. In an attempt to show that “everything is fine” from the tour of 12 months ago Pinkney decided to play some beautiful pulls and cuts as the openers’ attempted bouncers did not concern him. Jealous of the scoring rate, PEJ belted a cover drive of his own as the duo put on a 44 run stand until the skip fell for a quick fire 15 off 17. Feeling emotionally abandoned, Pinks surrendered his wicket for a more than brisk 28 off 24.
Dougie Fair to the crease at number 3, who settled in and kept the run rate up against some rather annoying spin bowling. Accompanying him was Mandy, who entered the crease with 7 pints stewing in his stomach and his vital organs demanding urgent slime uptake. Mandy responded by lofting a six so high the slime gods were impressed. In a fevered rage at being denied slime he charged down the pitch and was stumped for 18.
Meanwhile Dougie, sporting pads made of paper machè, provided the ballast of the middle overs as he got to 30 off 35, with several swipes belted to the fence on both sides of the wicket (unusual for the Road) before falling to the deathly spin.
Following Mandy’s departure, Oscar Newlove strolled arrogantly to the crease, fresh from scoring a ton. He wished to show the road that batting was actually not all that difficult. “Mate honestly just watch the ball it’s pretty simple” – Oscar 2022. Oscar proceeded to stand in front of his stumps, miss the ball and was ajudged LBW for 2.
Craigie, inspired by the hard hitting of the top order, got stuck into the bowling quickly with a glorious pull before departing for 12 off 16. Connor stuck around for a good time, not a long time, with one boundary for 7 off 12. The Road were now teetering at 152-7 with new bats Sam Wright and Matt Small to the crease. They began building back better. Sam dispatched several boundaries before running himself out for 17 off 25.
Meanwhile, Smally continued his fine lower order form this season with another innings of accumulation. Joined by Browny, the pair put on a 32 run partnership to lift the Road close to 200 before Smalls departed. Finally, Moany came in at 11 and told Browny “I won’t let you down like last time.” He then proceeded to let Browny down, just like last time and played a straight one 6 years too early.
A tea was enjoyed, with some exceptional blondies made by Craigie (authors call out here because I’ve never eaten one before and ate about 10 after the game. So good they were I didn’t even eat my Saturday slime). Fritters made by Smalls also were well received.
Bowling time. With a healthy target of 205, the Road began its strangulation of the opposition. However, an extremely fast outfield meant runs could be found quickly, so tight bowling was required.
Opening duties to Browny and Mandy. First to strike was Browny who made quick work of the opening bat. Satisfied he had done enough, he dragged himself after 3 overs to ensure the tail was left for him to feast on. At the other end was Mandy who bowled 5 overs but his thoughts of slime overpowering him saw him finishing with figures of 5 overs and 25 runs conceded.
Change bowlers Oscar and Dougie. Dougie fired down 3 overs of left arm seam for a measly 11 runs and heaped the pressure on. Oscar started to turn up the bowling pace, and his turning circle in the process. Oscar started bringing the heat with 3 wickets (all bowled), and what could have been perhaps four if the some utterly incompetent fielding didn’t let him down. A spell with some serious heat and the game was now for the Road’s taking.
Smalls took over from Dougie and began what was an exceptional spell. Smalls demonstrated the key to catching was to first volley the ball in the air and grab it on the second attempt in what was the champagne moment of the day. Not content with this, another 3 wickets followed, with the Fudge captain bowled through the gate and a couple of infield catches splaying off the bats as Smalls rampaged his way to four wickets. It should be noted that Smalls was denied a wicket when the oppo bat hit it straight into Craigies gloves for an excellent leg side catch. He then refused to walk, even a certain author who literally can’t hear a jet engine next to his ear heard it.
Moany bowled 4 overs for 22 but without reward as the innings came to a close. After this Moany turned his back to the field and watched a group of dogs chase a ball and dreamed of the possibilities of a dog-umpire to take the heat out of future decisions.
With the tail left, Browny suddenly found a surprising burst of energy and proudly declared himself available to bowl. A resultant tail resilience enraged the man. He grew more and more angry, but with the lure of the pub too much to ignore, the two final wickets fell to the Kings Road Cleaning Services.
All round outstanding bowling effort and an even batting performance with everyone scrapping a contribution together.
