WE’RE one month into our season and we’ve completed a handful of games with passion and courage although without so many entries in the victories column. The King’s Road Army is developing and we will be a dominant force.

One could look back and analyse and then over-analyse our games which we do a lot in the pub after the games. However now is not the time to look back, the season still has lots to offer us. Looking back really means it’s over. It’s not over – it has barely begun. Forget the last game and look forward to the upcoming games.

When you are suffering such rotten personal form such as I am currently, looking forward is the best solution. If you are uninformed of my situation, after 7 matches I have not scored a run or taken a wicket despite having spent many overs trying to do one or the other. I know my time will come and I will cherish them. As is expected of me I plan everything, including how I celebrate breaking my duck.

It’s difficult being me and I have so much I could say right now. There are multiple chains of thought that aim to confuse me, my teammates and my opponents but I must keep them at bay and save them for when I get to the end of line – retiring from cricket. When cricket playing is over, cricket writing will take over – an OBE or a knighthood doesn’t harm sales figures nor does a prime time television advert for some mundane product.

Given what’s happened so far, I have material for a handful of books. Naturally, I will have more than one autobiography, to be entitled “King of the Road”, “Brothers ‘n’ Arm Balls”, “I am not Spock” and “The very last days of the British Raj”. In addition to the motivation speaking I will be doing, I will be writing books on the tactical side of the game, with titles such as “My best 50 ducks: Ball by ball recollection of match altering non-scoring”, “21st century cricketing innovations: Pinch-blocking” and “How the Battersea Badgers were beaten”. I suspect I could write a whole series with the last title.

So back to reality, sort of. Tomorrow is the game that everyone is looking forward to, against the arch nemesis, the Battersea Badgers. The Australians normally target an England player before the start of the Ashes series. I’m not Australian (thank you the powers that be) and I won’t target anyone. I want them all, humiliated, frustrated and out cheaply. I want their bowlers to feel more awkward than usual, so that they over compensate or under compensate and go for plenty runs. (Wouldn’t mind if they delivered the ball into that very discreet region known as my scoring area)

I’ve been watching my opponents, and occasionally let them know of my presence. I know what Martin Cloke’s boys (and girl) are capable of, and I know what my orange capped army can do. I have faith in the King’s Road fraternity to produce the kind of performance that can make the difference, to seek new innovative shots, to boldly bowl where no man has gone before (otherwise known as sticking to my much detailed bowling plan).

We have a squad of 25 players with many new faces that can pose many problems to our rivals. At the centre we have a core that have improved vastly – the enemy would be naïve to underestimate these individuals. Together we have the foundation, we have the talent and we have hearts that pump orange blood. We are King’s Road and you have been warned.