“Cricket is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated” – Confucius c. 500 BC.

I’m not entirely sure I’m with Confucius on that particular quote, as the smug bastard never had to cope with British summertime.

So it was that a potentially thrilling conclusion to the match between King’s Road and Kew was curtailed by rain and the failing light, just as The Road were threatening a sensational late assault to claim the win.

Captain Brown won the toss and decided to bowl first on a green pitch. It looked a good decision early in the game as he and Tyzack bowled with laser-like precision, probing around the off stump. An early chance went down when the opener nicked a back of the length ball from Ali, but the Shermanator couldn’t cling on behind the stumps.

After a number of wafty play and misses, Browny decided to make a double bowling change, introducing the astonishingly handsome Mandrews from one end, and the astonishingly large-grin of Matt Small from the other. Mandy created more pressure with accurate bowling (the batsmen may also have been confounded by his boy band beautiful appearance), and that pressure told as Smally bowled a gorgeous off break that kissed the top of off stump.

The next wicket to fall was village cricket at its very finest. Oscar was introduced to the attack and bowled a rank full toss which was smeared to square leg, where Fergus took a good low catch. However, a no ball had been called and the non-striker was halfway down the pitch. His partner didn’t move, and rather than run back to his crease the non-striker simply stood there as Fergus whizzed in a throw for Oscar to take a one-handed catch and whip off the bails. Delicious.

Another double bowling change followed, with Rossi introduced and Browny returning to the attack. Browny struck to have Walden well caught by Keating for 20, and with Kew struggling to find the boundary the fielding side were on top.

It got better still one over later when the new batsman spooned Rossi up in the air, and Rossi came tearing down the wicket screaming “ME ME ME ME ME ME” like a demented Road Runner to claim the catch.

Fielding Fergus struck again soon after. The ball was hit into the deep and after he fumbled his pick up, the batsmen attempted a foolhardy second run. In a now familiar sight to regular Roaders, Fergalicious swept the ball up before unleashing his trebuchet arm. The ball flew to Sherman who whipped off the bails to confirm Fergus’s second run out.

Dangerman Kidron Thomas was now at the crease, and after some lusty blows that ruined Mandy’s figures, Ali Tyzack returned to the attack to take his off stump, meaning Kew finished on 188-6.

Kew hasn’t always been a happy hunting ground for the Road, but this felt a very chase-able target from 40 overs, so Matt Small and Chris MacNicol walked to the crease hoping to build a platform for the lower order hitters. Both looked solid early on, Cmac striking an early off side boundary and Smally hanging on the back foot and tucking into anything short. Cmac fell to an away swinger which he could only guide to gully, and the Road were 20-1.

This brought hothead fan favourite PEJ to the crease, a man whose batting this season is best described as ‘feast or famine’. After asking the captain if he could bat three in his previous game against Cairns Fudge he had been bowled first delivery by a West Indian quick, so imagine his delight when in his second game at 3, Kew’s West Indian quick was promptly introduced to the attack.

Having somehow survived 15-20 play and misses, he started to get his eye in, hitting Kidron back over his head for four, guiding another through point and then taking the attack to the off spinner at the other end by targeting the mid wicket and long on boundaries. He was eventually removed for 34 by a Kidron delivery that left him and clipped the top of off stump, ending a partnership of exactly 50 with Smally.

Smally, meanwhile, was looking utterly immovable, cutting and pulling with authority (he put the sweep away on a bouncy pitch), and a well-judged drop and run took him to 27* and 1,000 runs for the Road, a most impressive milestone!

Unfortunately his running wasn’t necessarily matching his batting, and after some wobbly calling earlier in the innings, he barbecued Sherman who also managed to injure his knee in the process of twisting and turning in the middle of the wicket, run out for 6 while writhing in agony. We wish him a speedy recovery.

Keats was next to the crease, and was unfortunate to be bowled shortly after striking a lusty boundary. As he went down on one knee (ever was it thus) to sweep, the ball hit the back of his bat, bounced off the back of his leg and dribbled into the stumps to dislodge the bails.

The required rate was rising, so it was time to send out the big guns. Fergus came in next, absolutely marmalised a six over midwicket and was unfortunate to be caught on the boundary unselfishly attempting the same shot.

With the light closing in, Oscar was the new man to the crease. Smally was doing his best to get off strike to the spinners operating from each end in the gloom, and Oscar got off to a flier by striking three fours and a maximum to move to 23 from just 14 balls. At this point, the captain of the oppo decided to reintroduce pace, to the disgust of Oscar and the square leg umpire. Fortunately, the cricketing Gods also disapproved, and sent down the rain to force a no result and punish said oppo captain, who went off chuntering about slow over rates as the Road finished on 138-5 from 37 overs.

Smally ended on a stoic 41* from 97 balls to claim man of the match, and with three overs unbowled and Mandy and Browny still in the hutch, the Road were left to ponder what might have been.

Full scorecard here: http://kingsroadcsc.play-cricket.com/website/results/4077869

Awards:

Champagne: Fergus’s laser run out

Embarrassing: Sherman being steamrollered by an opposition batsman rushing through for a single

Tantrum: Rossi punching his bag after getting his finger stuck in it

Matt of the Match: Smallz