“If I’d done a quarter of the things of which I’m accused, I’d be pickled in alcohol, I’d be a registered drug addict and would have sired half the children in the world’s cricket-playing countries.” Ian Botham.
If you cared to peak into one of Bristol’s night time establishments on a Saturday night, you would have found a captain sweating like a man going cold turkey, a wicket keeper tearing around the dance floor like a pickled Strictly contestant and a spaceman desperately resisting the urges of a dancing partner intent on insemination.
This did not look like a cricket team ready to wrap up a tour win on a Sunday, but in life things are not always as they seem.
The Road were captained for the first time by PJE, whose only other previous foray into captaincy led to an evisceration of a Keats XI. After a promising start in the warm up during which jumping to take a catch led to an involuntary, and noisy, breaking of wind, PJE won the toss and elected to bat.
Smally and Patz led a start to the innings best described as ‘sedate’. Patz was heaving more recklessly than he had been at a drive thru McDonalds on the Friday night, and eventually a leading edge saw him caught for 4. Cmac was the new man at the crease, still reeling from the discovery of the McNicol family’s darkest secret the day before, his evil twin. He looked in good touch, driving to the boundary before perishing for 13.
Captain PJE came in, played onto his stumps and came back out for 0. Keating was next, he bludgeoned a 4 before being caught for 9, bringing Jamie Williams to the crease.
While all of this mayhem had been taking place, Smally had been serenely accumulating runs. Leaving anything too close, and cutting and pulling effectively off the back foot, one back foot punch through the covers drew a gasp of admiration from umpires and fielders alike as he moved to 50. He looked a man in excellent form. He fell shortly after, trying to accelerate the rate, but his work with the bat was done.
Willo then decided to show everybody what they had been missing with a besieging of the Brislington bowling attack. Vicious to anything overpitched, he peppered the straight and midwicket boundaries, plundering fourteen boundaries and two maximums. Sherman came and went for 2 at the other end and Oscar struck a characteristic quickfire 17 as the Road posted 226-7 from their 35 overs. Willo fell four short of his century, or so it seemed, until a scorer’s error later revealed he was in fact 106*.
Detective Chris Brown opened the bowling in front of his watching proud(ish) father, in search of his hundredth Road wicket, with citizen Newlove operating from the other end up the hill. Despite a challenging opening spell featuring an investigative line from Piggy Brown, neither were able to make the breakthrough.
Tyzack came on first change, possibly smarting from having the new ball taken from him by his former friend PEJ, and responded with a superb, controlled first spell. Yet still, the batsmen resisted.
Time then, for the Bear trap. Keats launched a mortar high into the air, and as it exploded off the bat Smally came screaming through the sky like a projectile missile to take a sensational catch at extra cover. The other opener then smeared Keats to the square leg boundary where APatz wasn’t paying attention as the ball dribbled underneath him for four. The Bear roared his anger, and Patz made up for it with a fine juggling catch next ball. Keats finished with 2-23 from his three overs.
The Raj was introduced from the far end for a rare whirl, and produced a challenging spell to finish with 0-20 from his three, he could easily have picked up a wicket with a little more luck. Willo came into the attack, got obliterated, and finished the day on +60.
Mistakes were creeping in now. Oscar ran too far in under a high ball and watched it go for six over his head, and then repeated the same mistake an over later to the disgust of bowler Small.
With the match threatening to slip away, a desperate PJE threw the ball to his best bowler on the day, Ali Tyzack. A beautifully disguised slower ball led to a caught and bowled that removed the dangerman. When Tyzack castled the new batsman to finish with 2-21 from seven overs, the Road scented an opportunity to wrap things up.
Smally picked up three wickets at the other end, one caught by the increasingly reliable Ali T, one by Keats and one clean bowled. Oscar chipped in with one wicket to leave Brislington comfortably short on 219-8 from their 35 overs.
Full scorecard here: http://kingsroadcsc.play-cricket.com/website/results/3939682
Awards:
Embarrassing: Oscar running in circles under the high ball
Tantrum: JW having a post over strop after getting carted
Champagne: Smally’s sizzling catch
Man of the Match: Matt Small
Top Tourist: Matt Small