Full Scorecard: http://kingsroadcsc.play-cricket.com/website/results/3358936
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity”
Martin Luther King Jr on Ali Tyzack.
“Pah, the King’s Road? Never heard of them, shove them up against our 5th XI” – said Kingstonian CC.
…Brown seeth, Brown noteth, and 40 overs later…
King’s Road haven’t played Kingstonian CC before, and sending a strong side up against their 5th XI seemed something of a mismatch on paper. And if King’s Road are paper, Kingstonian are stone, and we smothered them to death effectively and without mercy.
Captain Road and Captain Kingstonian decided that in the glorious sunshine, King’s Road should bat first to make a game of it. Good show all round. And batting first seemed somewhat more appealing than a week earlier on a Wandsworth pitch that bore a close resemblance to Dagobah.
Lewis “Robbo” Robinson – sweating profusely before he’d even woken up in anticipation of the heat – opened up with debutant James Pinkney. It was tough going, with moon balls launched into the sky like mortar rounds and proving impossible to time. The opening pair ran hard between the wickets though, putting on a 50 partnership. Robbo struck a four and a maximum before perishing to a hideous grubber for 20. Yay? Neigh. Pinkney followed shortly after for a calm 28 on debut, well played sir.
Chris MacNicol and Dan Sherman were up next, and with some excellent shot placement and aggressive running between the wickets, they began to wear the opposition down in the heat. The Shermanator particularly looked in fine form, striking four boundaries on his way to a 50. He looked rejuvenated with the weight of the captaincy off his sturdy shoulders, free to operate as a destructive batting maestro. Eventually Cmac fell for 25, with the partnership worth 88.
Peter Jackson Eastwood was in next. Now, he’s not a religious man, but PEJ will admit that he’s spent days contemplating why he didn’t read the bible more closely growing up. The Serpent represents deception, the devil, and lo and behold, Ali “The Snake” Tyzack was stood up the other end umpiring. He should have known what awaited. Taking a leg stump guard to the off spinner, PEJ was also batting outside of his crease, he took a long stride forwards, his foot almost in line with the danger line. Enough to create doubt in anyone’s mind, surely? But Tyzack is a man of deeply held religion, and his faith that anything that strikes the pad is out could not be shaken. Up went the finger, before a moment’s contemplation, out went PEJ to secure back-to-back tantrums. Thanks Ali.
Jamie Keats came, managed 4 and was next out. John Pinkos then came in to make a sturdy 9 from 10 on debut and the excellent Sherman would finish on 66*. 181-5 from 40 overs, job well done.
Tea was warm sandwiches to eat and salty PEJ tears to drink.
Bowling was next, and the insanity began. Chris Brown and Tyzack were to open, and little resistance was expected. But nobody on the pitch was prepared for the lengths of apple crumble the oppo were about to plumb.
Sport is often unfair. Tyzack deserved to go wicketless, his sulking ex-friend ignoring him at mid-off. But he decided to rub salt in the wound by bowling exceptionally well. His first wicket was a low full toss that clattered into the stumps. His pace and accuracy were too much for the batsmen to live with, and he would take 5 wickets for 5 runs from 5 overs. Filth, and 4 of them bowled.
Chris Brown on the other hand has never been one for hitting the stumps, so he ended up with just the 1 wicket, because basically nobody could lay the bat on his deliveries nibbling outside off. Mo came on and bowled nice and tight, eventually claiming a first wicket of the season LBW after a particularly excellent appeal.
And then finally, the housewives/househusbands favourite, more MANdrews than the rest of us stepped up to bowl. Not only is he very pretty with a good rig, lovely batting technique, and impressive bounce as a seamer, it turns out he can also bowl some reasonable SPPIIIIIIIIIIN. 3.2 overs, 3 wickets and 5 runs took him back to the top of the early season wicket charts. His fall from grace is as inevitable as it will be spectacular. Soon the Road will claim you Matthew.
18 all out from 16.2 overs, the lowest total a side has ever made against the King’s Road. Embarrassing moment went to a member of the opposition who went out with Cmac’s bat in hand, was sent back to get another one and then made a golden duck. Champagne was Sherman’s excellent 50, and he also claimed man of the match. Tantrum unsurprisingly went to PEJ for his attempts to demolish the changing room, completely justifiably.
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Author – Peter Jackson Eastwood