What’s cooler than being cool?
Ice Kewl
You could forgive some Roaders feeling trepidation at the odyssey to Kew. It has been a cursed ground at times for the good ship Road. An iceberg that has left a whole in the good ship’s hull, and lower order sailors drowning and being cast upon the sharp rocks. No trip was so damned as that last fatal voyage that led to a collapse for the ages. But previous years had been equally fraught with danger. With no lighthouse to guide us, the darkness closing in, and Kew forever bringing on the very fast Kidron in an attempt to kill whoever was at that crease.
The good news, delicious reader, is this year was to be decidedly different. The waters were calm, the batting calmer, and while Bibby was not banished, the rest of our demons most definitely were.
This correspondent travelled down in car with the ever reliable Sherman. After a very pleasant coffee and a car journey packed with delightful middle class babble, PEJ was somewhat shocked to be encountered by an apparent coup attempt before he had even arrived, when Mandy suggested that perhaps he should assume responsibilities for the toss.
Naturally, PEJ declined. Naturally, he lost the toss. Road would be fielding in the searing heat in a 40 over match. A raucous crowd was building ahead of not only the hotly-anticipated cricket, but also the last Brentford match of the season. The crowd weren’t much interested in the cricket, but it added some atmosphere, and made the ever grumpy Oscar grumpier still – he hates football even more than humans.
Bibby and Niall took the new ball. Both bowled arguably too wide, went for some boundaries on a very fast outfield, and promptly each complained to PEJ that it was the ball’s fault for not swinging. Take it up with ballsec! bibby would strike earlier, the opening bat skying a shot that Mandy expertly held at mid off. The pitch was offering nothing so The Road quickly changed tact, bowling at middle and leg with a split field and starting to dry up the runs.
Keats was introduced to the attack in an attempt to flummox the young batters who looked accustomed to quality pace bowling. Would they be accustomed to mortar launching from a Croydon Bear, though? PEJ suspected not, so too did Craigie, who also suggested the bowling change. Keats struck quickly, with Nikhil taking a fine high catch at square leg. The very next ball was a rank full toss which was also smeared straight to Nikhil, who took a smart second catch. The batter took what felt like years to leave his crease, such was his anguish. Keats was still not finished though, and clean bowled the new bat with a seam up ball that (presumably?!) did all sorts as it thumped into middle stump. A game changing knock that warranted a deserved Mandy of the Match.
Bibby kept things tight from the other end and would’ve claimed a second, but for Connor going all crocodile hands to drop a sharp, low change at cover. It was the second time this particular bat had been dropped, with Niall also shelling a caught and bowled chance. Both can proudly say they have joined the Oscar club, as this bat went on to rack up 117. Whoops.
Nikhil and Mandy came into the attack next. Nikhil struggled with his line, but still created chances that on another day would have fallen to a fielder. Mandy picked up a lovely off spinners wicket by getting the left hander, and in true Mandy fashion ruined his figures in his last over. Oscar was brought into the attack and Niall reintroduced, and carnage ensued.
Niall decided to follow a wayward first spell with a barrage of perfect yorkers. Clean bowling one batter, they then picked up another second ball LBW. This meant we had a second hat trick ball of the innings, which the centurion dug out. He was then bowled top of off next ball, which felt extremely selfish. You got your 100, now let Niall have their hat trick. Still, 3 wickets in 4 balls was not to be sniffed at. Oscar wrapped up the other two wickets, which were also both clean bowled. The Road tactic of drying up the runs to invite pressure had worked brilliantly, 7 wickets were bowled or LBW and they had limited Kew to less than 200, which looked a very good effort on this pitch.
At teas, we all more or less collapsed. It was hot, some of us were on our second game in two days, the captain struggled to string a sentence together. Sherms and Pinks went out to bat, looking to build a solid foundation.
Sherman had reacted to some gentle ribbing about strike rate by hitting something like 12 off 4 the day before. He started this innings in the same fashion, striking a glorious drive over mid on for four, and seizing onto any width to take advantage of the rapid square boundaries. He fell for an enterprising 19 from 24, including four boundaries. 34-1 made for a strong platform.
Enter captain PEJ, mercifully coming in earlier than the 24th over, which had sent him into a frazzled state a week before. Pinks and PEJ tend to score runs when they bat together. Pinks all grace and timing and quality, PEJ the less aesthetic but equally off side and front foot minded. Pinks did what Pinks does, driving through the covers, and playing his lovely Ian Bell late cut more than once to find the boundary.
PEJ was showing intent too, whipping off his pads for four (no idea how, I never practice it in nets), smearing another four to long on, and also driving through point. He was next to fall, trying to clear long off a la Twyman. But there’s only room for one silverback in this team, and it is not PEJ. The partnership was 72, and oh look, good news for Kew, Mandy was in next.
If ever there was a day to get a hundred for James Pinkney, this looked like it. He had just one problem, Mandy wanted lots of runs too. Mandy scored all around the ground, striking boundaries to all parts, but was particularly savage when sweeping, pulling, and biffing it down to mid off. Pinks and Mandos both passed 50 without offering up a single chance. They ran well, and punished any width to the boundary. It should be noted that Pinks was heavily outscored by a 12 year old and completely bottled his ton, but maybe that is ultimately by the by.
Road cruised home with five overs to spare and eight wickets in hand. Pinks finished on 80 from 84 and Mandy 57 from 62. As professional a performance as you could ever hope to see. Pinks also had the highest strike rate of the innings, but that is no good for our narrative that he choked it so let us ignore that.
Sadly, being so good again meant hardly anyone got a bat, but a special mention to Craigie, who kept superbly on another slow and low wicket. He must be very bruised from rolling around in the dirt every week, but a great showing. Connor also fielded manfully, patrolling the cover boundary and frequently ensuring that singles did not become TWO.
Are we Kew’s bogey team now? Snot impossible.
Yours, PEJ.
