“I’m a cybernetic organism. Living tissue over a run-scoring endoskeleton.” D. Sherman, c. 2021.
In scenes that bore no resemblance to the opening-day massacre at the antlers of the Antelopians in 2020, The Road ran riot as South Bank CC succumbed to defeat in a first match thriller.
Rain was forecast for later in the day, but as the oppo captain sagely remarked, both of these teams have played through deluges in the past. Conditions be damned, we would cricket no matter what.
As it transpired, the weather remained fair. Captain Jamie Keats won the toss, and keen to apportion blame elsewhere should things get a bit, well, Antelopian, asked the team what they would like to do. Chris Brown was the shade of a man who’s been doing Suez Canal donuts in Admiral Moany’s warship, so the decision was clear. BAT.
Daniel Sherman opened up with debutant Andy Craigie. One had let PEJ down at intra the week before (again), the other showed promise as a technically proficient bat with a solid defence.
Sadly, Andy C managed just the 1 run, before aiming an aesthetically pleasing drive straight into the hands of extra cover. However, a sterling effort in the field by Craigie meant this was far from a waste of a day, and he pottered about happily, resplendent in his orange cap, and telling anybody who would listen ‘I work at Hawkeye by the guys’.
Peter Jackson Eastwood was next. He swatted a four down the ground, and then missed a straight one. Doubtless, it was plumb in front, but the vindictive Sham de Silva still had his finger up quicker than Rossi in a two-story gloryhole.
That brought Matt Andrews to the crease, who joined Sherman, happily meandering along at the other end, looking every bit the play PEJ thought he was getting a week earlier. Bad balls were struck to the off side boundary, and singles and twos taken.
Mandy was looking dangerous, absolutely blitzing a straight four down the ground, then opening the face to guide another through extra cover. The partnership was looking dangerous, surpassing 50 when disaster struck.
Sherman turned for a second run, and in the act of evading the bowler, somehow contrived to crumble onto the floor. It looked like the end of his game, but after taking 9,000 minutes to apply some deep heat, he was back and ready to continue (aside from the four other points at which he lay down to nurse himself. Paint me like one of your Shermans, Jack).
Mandy perished for a well-made 24, playing on to a dangerous off spinner. James Murray-Woods was next, and while he got a good stride in to negate the spin, he too was bowled for 2.
Sham came to the crease next, and started swinging like a lunatic, causing many utterances of curses under the breath of Cap’n Keats. However, he did shift the momentum when things were slowing up. Sherman upped the tempo too, taking advantage of some loose bowling to now pepper the leg side boundary. Sham quickly started to look himself, advancing down the track to drive with authority, and waiting to cut the ball behind point. He fell for an enterprising 29 from 28.
Enter Captain Keats. Gautosaurus Rex joined the Shermanator. A Captain old and a captain new. A big beard, and a bigger beard.
They had a little chat, and decided to barbecue the bowling. Sherman, always dashing with his strokeplay, but limping around like Jake the Peg, went to a crucial 50. Keats simply decided that much like a DFS sale, EVERYTHING MUST GO.
Smacking the ball almost exclusively in the V, the Bear led an attack so brutal that the locals were minded to call up pest control. There would be no neutering Keats though, as he also started to target the leg side boundary. He finished not out with a savage 46 from 31, with Sherms carrying his bat for a stoic 77 from 114. 200 exactly from 40 overs for The Road. Game on!
By now, Browny was in the manic depressive stage of his hangover, and could be seen gulping back the vomit as he began his run up. What followed was a classic Browny spell. Lots of probing deliveries, some heavy yorkers, and many a play and miss.
Pete Sainthouse was at the other end, bowling his trademark hooping away-swingers, but luck was on neither bowler’s side. There were edges aplenty, but somehow they always seemed to drop safe or evade fielders.
A wicket was needed, and into his honeypot delved Keats to pull out a merry man, Andy Day.
You could almost hear Keats whimper when Day started off with two half trackers that were dismissed to the boundary. He need not have feared. Komal Singh was first to go, caught and bowled, before Mike Dollin tried to cut one that was too close and was clean bowled.
Two wicket maidens in two overs, but Andy got a bit carried away. An old fella was next to the crease, helmet-less and with a shock of white hair. Day wrapped up embarrassing moment by bouncing the poor old fellow. ‘Get ready for a broken f***** arm mate’, PEJ heard him whisper as he walked back to his mark.
Mandy was on at the other end. Two handsome men bowling in tandem, and he picked up his first SPIIIIN wicket with a ripper that jagged back to bowl the batsman, and spare him any more Day chin music. His second wicket was a corker, turning and bouncing with Sherman taking a sharp catch behind the stumps.
Sham was next into the attack, flighting and teasing batsman Truss into a mistake, with Sherman whipping off the bails to take another South Bank wicket.
The chase was still on, but The Road were fielding like men made of Velcro. Even Woody had, reluctantly, put away his party trick of diving over the bowl, instead diving behind it to prevent runs.
With 19 needed from 12 balls, Day bowled a superb penultimate over. Sherman then pulled off a sensational run out to complete a perfect day, while Sainthouse bowled with control and composure, clean bowling a batsman next ball to reduce any lingering hopes of a Southbank win.
The winning margin was 5 runs, with Sherman earning a deserved man of the match as The Road opened their account for the season. Michael Rossi was sure to tell the skipper
AWARDS
Champagne Moment: Daniel Sherman’s run-out from behind the stumps
Most Embarrassing: Andy Day bodylining and nearly killing a clinically vulnerable
Tantrum: Michael Rossi abusing umpire for not giving LBW
MAndy of the Match: Daniel Sherman 77* (108), 1 caught, 1 stumping, 1 runout
Scorecard: https://kingsroadcsc.play-cricket.com/website/results/4758683