Intraclub is fun. So, why stop at one?
Such was the thinking of Captain PEJ, glutton for punishment, as the first ever fixture against his band of Merry Men was added to the fixture list. A chance to be reviled not just by ten teammates, but a whole twenty-one.
For those uninitiated, the Merry Men are the people in PEJ’s little black book that the Road turn to when short of a player, and in need of someone far more talented than our resident Ent.
A couple of late dropouts meant that both Chinmay and Woody had been loaned to the Merry Men for the day, and on a scorcher in Battersea Park, PEJ won the toss against a rather late (running scared) Captain Spaceman Newlove, standing in as Road captain. PEJ elected to bat, having spent far too many very hot days fielding first and suffering heat stroke.
Chinmay, the Road’s new top order tyro, opened the batting with Josh Huckin, a man obviously schooled at Wellington, shirt tucked in and front elbow higher than his head.
Battersea 2 has proved a treacherous pitch so far this season, provided you land enough balls in line with the stumps. On a sunny day it was certainly flatter, but The Road were also feeling very generous, and decided to bowl almost exclusively not on the stumps.
Chinmay got off to a fast start, doing his level best to run out his partner with a string of suicide singles, but also picking up some excellent twos, and typically quick to put away the bad balls to the boundary. We may have found a good’un there. Ali and Nikhil opened the bowling, and Ali came closest to break the opening partnership by shaving the off stump of Huckin. Huckin responded by upping the pace, one glorious back foot punch down the ground sounded particularly good. He was likely just relieved to be on strike and in charge of the calling for a delivery.
Moany and Dougie were next into the attack and each probed without luck, Dougie looking particularly economical as he gets back up to match speed. It was Senor Rossi who finally got the breakthrough, breaking out the maracas and luring Huckin into a loft down the ground that was well pouched by the paws of ChewbacKeats. That left the Merry Men well set at 104/1, and The Road needing more breakthroughs to slow the scoring.
Soon after, Chinmay went to 50 in just his second game of the season, a near chanceless innings with fabulous acceleration towards the end, including a couple of glorious boundaries off Mandy. Having got to 58*, he agreed to retire to give some other batters a go. Castle was next in. He gave himself a few sighters, then exploded into life, driving gloriously down the ground several times to pepper the long off and extra cover boundaries. Just as things were looking particularly ominous, he was next to perish from a suicidal bit of running, with a good Craigie throw taking out the stumps as the striking batter, Hamish Campbell-Shore, didn’t even leave his ground.
Keating and Oscar were now bowling, and keeping things fairly tight. Oscar has been struggling for some months with his phaser calibration, but things finally clicked into gear on May 14th, a fateful day for batterkind. Suddenly this lifeless pitch looked dangerous, with extracting bounce and inducing an edge from Twyman, who got his customary boundary but was well pouched again by the reliable Craigie.
There was still time for Hamish Campbell-Shore, batting on one leg after bizarrely pulling his hamstring trying to play a forward defensive, to club a quick 29*, while Will Andrews made 9* to leave the Merry Men on a very competitive 206-3 off 40 overs. Oscar was the pick of the bowlers with 1-18 off 5, while Extras kept up its early season form, scoring 33 runs for the Merry Men.
Teas were once again dominated by varying types of sausage roll, and it was Hamish’s chorizo sausage rolls that pipped Woody’s delicious chocolate cake to the overall win. Suitably rested from the heat, it was time to get going again.
Sherman and Craigie opened up, with Sainthouse and Lee taking the new ball for the Merry Men. Sherman showed excellent early intent, looking to get after anything over pitched or wide and scoring three early boundaries to get the run rate ticking. Craigie was watchful at the other end, keeping out anything straight and looking to put away anything loose, one clip through midwicket off his pads was timed beautifully, while he was driving typically handsomely. He did get a life when Twyman, not the most athletic of Roaders, almost clung onto a screamer at second slip, but the ball just popped out. Thank God, we never would have heard the end of it.
The Road looked well set at 44-0 off 11 overs, before Sherman was out LBW to the excellent Jamie Lee, the ball judged to have hit pad before bat. Craigie followed shortly afterwards, also LBW to Lee to one that held its line. Sainthouse bowled beautifully for no reward at the other end, with two maidens in his spell but the ball always seeming to elude the fielders when aerial.
Connor and Mandy were the new batters, and they set about rebuilding after the two quickfire wickets. PEJ was into the attack first change to bowl his wibbly wobblers, and went for just 3 runs from his first four overs, including a maiden to Mandy. ‘Better than sex’ he would later proclaim, before saying a quiet prayer of thanks to father of wibble Mark Isham, surely looking down on him with pride.
Harding was on to bowl his leg breaks at the other end, and started with back-to-back maidens as the scoring dried up. Something had to give, and Connor decided it was time to break the shackles. He powered anything too full and straight down the ground, striking two lovely fours in one PEJ over, and beginning to get the measure of Harding at the other end, who was desperately unlucky to go wicketless.
Mandy is not a fan of Battersea. Where he is toned, it is squidgy. Where his skin is smooth and flawless, the Battersea pitch has divots and holes, but slowly he began to find his touch, striking a classic Mandy late cut through point for four.
The run rate was creeping up, but The Road had wickets in hand, and Woody was now introduced to find a breakthrough, which he did, clean bowling Connor for an excellent 42 on debut. Batted!
Unfortunately for Woody, that brought Oscar to the crease. Oscar does not look kindly on treachery, and as Woody had gone over to the Merry Men for the day, he elected to punish him, bludgeoning a couple of sixes, including one that burst through Castle’s hands on the square leg boundary.
Sainthouse was recalled to find a breakthrough for the increasingly panicky Merry Men, and did so by removing Mandy for 35, expertly caught in the deep by Lee. Dougie came, he smacked a four past point, and then he perished for 5 to Will Andrews (close run thing in the battle of the Andrews’, this game), who bowled very tidily with his round the wicket seamers, but also failed to apply any suncream, and looked a passable lobster by the day’s end.
Oscar however, was going ballistic. His innings read: 6,4,2,6,2,1,4,2,dot,4,dot,1,4,1,2,dot,1 and frankly, PEJ was close to a nervous breakdown as seemingly everything went for runs off his bat. Castle was brought into the attack, and his cutters got the crucial breakthrough, bowling Oscar for an insane 40 from 18 balls.
Keats and Moany tried manfully to get the Road over the line, but they fell just short at 192-6 off their 40. Another South London thriller, the season has been full of them already, and Merry Man and Roader alike retired to the pub for a well-earned Chinmay man of the match and 50 jug afterwards.
For this correspondent, it’s time for a lie down in a dark room for a week.
