Dark, stormy and bitter. No dear reader, I am not talking about Oscar’s drink of choice but instead about the actual weather.

Following a week of 30+ degree heat the sun had decided to pack its bags for the weekend and venture to France like every other upper-middle class yuppie and was now seemingly trapped somewhere across the English channel waiting for a boat to ferry it back. Leaving these green and pleasant lands bereft of hope.

Yet to the deepest darkest areas of the Northern Line the Road must venture. We must go to Mordor. Zone 4. Bleak, barren, infested with all manner of trolls and orcs. 

Our captain was not to be the bear as he was saving himself for Sunday but rather fittingly our very own Ent, PEJ. Let loose to guide the fellowship. Clearly Morden is an area that even the sun has forgotten, when the rest of the country has slowly baked over the last month this pitch was incredibly green. 

The Beacon of Amon Lax was lit, the Roadhirrim answered its call. 
And so upon the battlefield of Morden Recreation our Ent strolled out to claim “Let the Lord of the LICC’s come forth! Let justice be done upon him!” As is custom, a coin of minimal monetary value was thrown to the winds and it was decreed that the fellowship of the Road would take the field first. To throw with great venom, a small red ball at strangers. 

Warriors from both ends of the known world took the helm. A bear from the West and a ranger from the distance South. One to slay with the right, the other to pulverise with the left. CB started strong, his first 4 overs going for a costly one run with one wicket taken. Moany had stared into the Palintir for slightly too long and had been confused by the lies of Sauron.  “Aim for the trolls! Kill the trolls! Bring them down!”

As every warrior is want to do, prayers were said. This time they were answered by the cricketing Gods, for they had sent us Peter Sainthouse, a steward of Clapham. His first ball was an absolute screamer to dismiss the other opener, not happy with just despatching his foe he also destroyed a bail. An angel of death it would appear.

Sam Esser was the next victim, one who dared to believe that no man may slay him. He was correct, for no man did slay him. He was brought low by Oscar Newlove for no score. 19-3 at this point. 

A partnership was forged at this point before the angel of death  swooped low once again and dismissed the obstinate Tyagi for 36, 95-4. 

The discussion turned in the field at this point to how many countries started with the letter E. Whilst the Road were discussing this, LICC’s carried on making runs which is rather rude and sneaky. Debutant Moorjani was brought into the attack as well as definitely not debutant Rossi however neither was able to take a wicket, there will be other chances of that I am sure. 

Oscar once more proved why he is a versatile genius, picking up two more quick wickets (both bowled) to put the pressure back on LICCS. A late order swing coupled with some soggy conditions saw the LICC’s finish on 177, with Sherman getting a run out on the last ball. 

Special thanks to Keats for scoring during the 1st innings and not shouting too much rubbish at us. He has mellowed.

Lembas bread – eaten.

Sherman and Woody, the new force at the forefront of the battle order. It has been whispered that as Woody was striding out one could hear him utter “Let this be the hour when we draw swords together. Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the red dawn. Forth, Eorlingas!” Or, “Do you want to take first?”

An excellent partnership was then created between the two of them until Woody was cruelly run out but they had got the Road off to a stirling start at 43-1. Whilst Sherman got the majority of those runs, this is in no way a slight on Woody who defended what was a lot of tight bowling and ran everything hard and well – up until the last one at least. One slight note is that he is also the cutest man ever, having slid his bat in during one single he was overheard to shout “IN” as if we were playing Quick-Cricket on the beach. Never change.

Our giant tree headed to the crease, only to be cruelly tricked by an away swinger. “There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of men for this treachery.”

Moorjani, rushed to the stumps like a berserker towards a weird storm grill in Helms Deep. In their rush to bring him down, they inadvertently missed and took out Sherman for a well batted 38 instead.

Dave ‘and they call it a mine’ Hughes didn’t fancy staying out in the drizzle for too long and was caught in the deep. 67-4 at this point. A partnership was needed and a partnership was formed. Niall Moorjanibuck and Oscar “Took” Newlove began to smote runs all over the largest battlefield the Road will ever see. The Horn of Helm Hammerhand sounded in the deep one last time, as Oscar smoked a MASSIVE 6! It all looked like it was going well until one shot too many saw Oscar’s stumps rearranged. 111-5. 

Little bear to join Moorjani, the run rate was slowly creeping up. Moorjani gave a big speech about how he was going to take the main role and stay there until the end. He was out next ball.

Laxwise the Brave & CB. Two fresh faces at the crease. Runs were needed and running was what happened. One old but fit, the other younger but not fit. A succession of twos enough to slay better men, but these two were giving it their all. Unfortunately one two too many for CB who was run out going for a full on dive. An enjoyable partnership of 51 between the two. 
Overs were not the Road’s friend at this point and new boy Sainthouse had a tough ask ahead of him. Lax finally fell but his reverse paddle sweep,pull thing will go down in cricketing history. James “It comes in pints?” Mahony joined Pete at the crease and they got to enjoy running a 4. Moany was practically broken by that, he only lasted 4 balls but scored a very entertaining 11 from them.

Rossi left with the unenviable task of needing to score 12 off 2 balls. There never was much hope, only a fools hope. 

PEJ “I didn’t think it would end this way.”
CB “End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Defeat is just another path… One that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass… And then you see it.”
PEJ “See what”
CB ” The Charles Holden.”
PEJ “Well that doesn’t seem too bad then”
But dear reader, it really really was.

Full scorecard: http://kingsroadcsc.play-cricket.com/website/results/4467456

Champagne moment: Moany’s all-run four

Embarrassing moment: Woody calling himself ‘IN’

Tantrum: Rossi having a go at PEJ, ignoring PEJ, and then calling him a see you next Tuesday. But what was PEJ’s terrible crime? He asked him to field at slip.