After 8 long months at sea, I write this memoir from the depths of my cabin. Scurvy has long rendered me useless to this team and the most I can offer is the following collection of my thoughts.
Under gloomy skies and high seas on the bank holiday weekend, The Road prepared to wage war against Cairns Fudge. Due to the captain Jamie Keats’s incompetent tossing The Road were to sent into bat with Matt Small and Dan Sherman the trusted strong and stable opening partnership.
The opening duo calmly took The Road into the 30s without loss but an attempted slash by M Small had him nicking off for 18. A solid start by the opening pair and honourable mention too M Small for walking also.
All the while Umpire Moany had entered the crease and reminded Sherman of the player/umpire personal boundaries whilst bringing some cut-throat decision making including signalling a bye and checking the remaining balls in the over. Fantastic performance.
James Murray-Wood came to the crease and produced his trademark offside press but was on the receiving end of a tight spell and one that jagged off the seam into the stumps. Another tough decision for the umpire to who correctly deemed that on the balance of probabilities it to was out (clean bowled).
Lucifer Richard Bibby, promoted to 4 strolled to the crease to join Sherman who had settled in with another solid opening knock. After playing several shots of exquisite elegance, he wished to return to a fiery hell and sacrificed himself.
Enter Small^2. Unleashing the familiar cross batted drive shot of his sibling, Elliot Small showed no signs of rust despite a long absence and motored into the 20s. Meanwhile Sherman became a rock and continued his climb into the 30s.
With the top 5 all putting in competent displays Keats decided to unleash Moany at number 6.
*Scene Missing*
Sherman, meanwhile, ignoring the circus at the other end, began upping the run rate and pushed on. Joined by Captain Keats the run rate began to accelerate. Sherman, just shy of his 50, finally let one through his defences, another fantastic knock to give the tail a chance to go for glory.
Oscar Newlove, on the back of finding a new best friend in the form of an AFL football, joined Keating in the battle of the strike rates. Keats who belted a few sweetly then went for one to many and exited after a handy knock. Newlove was joined by Laxman “team first” Pillai who’s selflessness led to him being run out off his first ball.
After boastfully mocking Mahony for being bowled by a full toss, Chris Brown was promptly bowled for a golden duck to join the disgraced batsmen club for the day.
Nikhil Venkatesh came in with no time and got a handy one and ran 4 byes with Newlove who teed off with 10 off as many balls.
After setting a total of 142 off their 35 overs, The Road set out with opening with Bibby and representing the left-hander bowling contingent, Nikhil.
After some chance aerial shots and despite Bibby’s best efforts to summon Satan with a demonic appeal, the opening pair couldn’t crack through. Fresh from batting disappointment, (D)C Brown rolled in with rage and despite putting the ball in the right spots bowled without luck.
The opposition now at a comfortable 0/70 were cruising to victory.
Enter Matt Small and Oscar Newlove, in a new good cop bad cop combo. M Small found the breakthrough thanks to a prowling catch from Bibby at Square Leg. Newlove, now seriously considering a switch to Australia rules football, decided to give cricket a final chance. First over he calibrated his length and then found himself on a hat trick and pulled through with 4 wickets. An astonishing 6 wickets between the pair put the opposition at 78-6.
M Small put the cherry on the cake with a fantastic run-out to have the opposition teetering at 100-7. Keats and Browny returned to put the game to bed and the most miraculous of recoveries was complete.
Keats specifically requested his denied caught and bowled off a number 10 was included in this report. This wasted several peoples time as a last-minute edit to the match report.
Honourable mention to Sherman for a couple of nice catches and Elliot Smalls for his near flawless work behind the stumps.
Man of the Match: Oscar Newlove with a bristling 10 and 4-23, and celebrating by stealing M Small’s scooter.
Champagne moment – Oscar and Nikhil running 4 byes
Tantrum: Browny kicking his hat and yelling expletives and kicking a tree after his bowling spell
Embarrassing moment: Moany’s shambolic attempt at holding the post-match awards and attempting to replace the voting process with a Moany’s military dictatorship. The coup failed.
FULL SCORECARD: http://kingsroadcsc.play-cricket.com/website/results/4514136
Author: James Mahony