Do you feel it? That chill in the air? Do you see them? Those ominous grey clouds in the sky? Can you hear it? The howling of an imminent thunderstorm?

Yes, it is late April, and King’s Road cricket is back! Déjà vu struck as for the second successive year King’s Road opened their season with a nail-biting win over South Bank at Battersea Park. The drama of last season’s final ball victory was almost repeated, as The Road secured a two-wicket victory.

He doesn’t talk about it much, but Chris Brown is the captain of our club. He won his first toss of the season (but certainly not of the year), and decided to bowl first in Scandinavian conditions. After a season of net inactivity, Browny was still confident of hitting the ground running and took the new ball.

He came steaming in, legs pumping up and down, snorting like a rampaging bull. The fielders crouched in anticipation, but nothing could have prepared first slip Matt Cocken for the sight of the ball careering towards him as Browny’s radar went full Steve Harmison. A start to the season that delighted fellow Roaders, and prompted a sledge from the umpire. I repeat, King’s Road Cricket is back.

A sedate start ensued, with Ali Tyzack, Browny and Mandy Andrews (sporting a new stubbly look that confirms him as the most handsome man in the world) all bowling accurately but rarely threatening. Ali was particularly impressive early on, coveting maidens like a medieval knight. El Capitan decided this was all very nice but it was time for a change, and what a change it was. He introduced the rotund ripper Michael Rossi, who had opposition captain Dolin brilliantly caught down the leg side by Dan Sherman.

Now, Rossi has been conspicuously absent from nets, and it soon became clear why. He has been working in the laboratory on a new delivery, a quicker arm ball that hurtled into off stump, his second wicket in the over. Game-changing. Rossi subsequently bowled like a drain, finishing with figures of 7-2-43-2.

South Bank rebuilt with a fifty partnership, so Browny introduced resident beanpole Mark Isham to break it. Dan Sherman, however, had other ideas. First a tough chance was dropped diving to his right, but what followed was a thing of genuine majesty. The batsman skied the ball up in the air, Sherman barely had to move, strolling a few steps to stand beneath the ball, watching it plop into his gloves, and then watching it inexplicably plop onto the floor. It is impossible to overstate how dreadful this was, and Sherman duly wrapped up embarrassing moment of the match.

The partnership was subsequently broken by Ali Tyzack as Mandy took a low catch at point. When Rashi then spooned the economical Isham high into the air Browny took the chance well, reducing South Bank to 84-4. South Bank now looked to accelerate, eventually checked by Browny who removed batsman Cohen’s leg stump. Opening batsman Thornton played nicely throughout for South Bank, but Browny eventually dismissed him for 80, another batsman bowled. Browny has finally learned to hit the stumps, and Road needed 176 to win as South Bank finished on 175-6 off 40 overs.

Teas followed. Smally provided balls described mysteriously as ‘vegan flavoured’, while PEJ wrapped up the savoury award for his bacon and leek quiche. But the overall tea award went to debutant Fergus, forger of delicious chocolate flapjacks. A promising debut indeed.

Smally and Cocken opened the batting for Road, and Smally was first to fall for 4 off 18, after missing a straight one and being bowled. Patz came to the crease to join Cocken, and the pair immediately struck up an excellent partnership. Cocken was proficient in dispatching the bad balls, striking 11 boundaries in between his patented Cocken jab. This was arguably his finest innings for the Road, leaving well, defending resolutely, and running with purpose.

Patz had an early reprieve when dropped at point but then quickly settled to play the role of aggressor. One checked cover drive was undoubtedly the shot of the day, timed to perfection and a worthy winner of Champagne moment. Sadly, Patz fell for 33 from 43 after a comical run out, the first of many to be expected this season.

PEJ was next to the crease and fell for 4 after nicking off to the last ball before drinks. Your correspondent also won Tantrum of the Day. Having not walked and not been given out, he subsequently was given after consultation between the umpires. When the bowler congratulated PEJ on taking the decision well, he politely requested that the bowler take his opinions elsewhere.

Debutant Fergus was next, and took to the crease like a reaper with a scythe, one hack across the line brought a tear to the eyes of the absent Oscar Newlove and Jamie Keating. He fell next, clean bowled for 6. At 107-4, The Road were wobbling.

Enter the dependable Isham, who struck two fours on his way to 17 from 29 as he closes in on 1000 Road runs. He will have to wait a little longer as he was also bowled. The Road still looked on course for victory until Cocken was finally out bowled for 68 from 96. A superb innings before he emigrates north with the rest of his flock, and a richly deserved Man of the Match performance.

Sherman was next out, caught for 3, before Mandy struck two fours, was almost caught off a mistimed pull, and then played the exact same shot next delivery to ensure that he did pick out a fielder this time. 165-8. Uh oh.

Tyzack and Browny were at the crease now. Tyzack played with real maturity, punishing two short balls and playing with an impeccable forward defensive to anything on the stumps. A sign of things to come? Browny looked as nervy as a man that hasn’t netted in a year, but finally eased Road nerves by cracking a four over midwicket to take the Road home with two wickets left and ten balls to spare. Good shot sir.

Full scorecard here: https://kingsroadcsc.play-cricket.com/website/results/4037597

Awards:

Embarrassing: Sherman drop with special mention to Browny first ball.

Champagne: Patz cover drive.

Tantrum: PEJ telling bowler where to go.

Teasmaker: Savoury: PEJ quiche. Sweet: Fergus Flapjack. Overall: Flapjack Fergus

Man of the Match: Matt Cocken